Who decided we couldn't tell people what they need to hear? Even more importantly, who decided people can't handle the truth? In reality, when was not hearing the truth up front easier for anybody? I can think of only one example:
Friend with terrible haircut: Do you like my haircut?
Me: It's adorable!
Friend with terrible haircut: Oh phew because I wasn't sure and there is nothing I can do until it grows out, anyway.
Friend with grown out terrible haircut several months later: I'm going to get a haircut, I was thinking of just getting the same (terrible haircut).
Me several months later: You know, I really like it long better. I wasn't a huge fan of that old cut.
Friend with grown out terrible haircut several months later: Yeah, maybe you're right.
Otherwise, cut the s**t and just say it like it is. Except we're not allowed because people's feelings will get "hurt." Except that really isn't the problem, is it? The problem is we can't say it like it is because it could give the other person the chance to call us insensitive or relocate their anger, frustration or whatever, to us.
Tact is something I have mixed feelings about in counseling. Obviously, there is a time and a place. If someone is suicidal, you don't say, "You idiot, don't do such a dumb thing." Instead, you tactfully convey the same message in a less disturbing way such as, "Do you have a plan/means/etc?" See, the suicidal person has a REASON to be feeling fragile and require tact on our part. They have a serious mental disturbance or trauma or what have you dominating their thoughts and honestly need some non-judgemental sensitivity; but what I want to know is when did that behavior become ubiquitous? When did people who really DO need to be called out on their s**t deserve tact as well? You know as well as I do if you don't follow the tact social norm you will be called a b**ch, insensitive, angry or whatever negative adjectives come to mind for the complainer. Don't they know that being honest is only the best for them, even though it may be harder for you to say?
Of course this tactful tangent originated in an experience with my apparent tactlessness that got me thinking. Clearly, I am not a fan of "tactfulness." Now that my reasoning is crystal clear, what I want to know is, what am I missing? Why can't people be pissed off? If they did something stupid, or are asked a question in openness and honesty, they can be upset and that's ok. It gets stupid when they are upset at you like you are an a-hole for communicating without the fluff. I mean seriously- they would have known what you meant with or without the tact, so why bother with the formality and fakeness? You might as well be as obvious as, "No offense, but....." Of course you are about to say something offensive, you are just also providing a disclaimer so you don't have to take responsibility for it. Lame, right?
