I think as a therapist most of the interventions we try fall flat- even really good ones. It’s a tricky dance of meeting the client where they are in their lives, interpreting from that where they are in a present moment, and inferring from there where they need to be directed to explore. If we ever hit those three things with precision, we still have to have it phrased and timed in a way that the patient can hear and will go with us on. Needless to say again, this rarely turns out as we so eloquently design it to. Every once and awhile, we get lucky. Usually it is not when or where you would expect. Today I had a good intervention where all those factors were in alignment, and I feel that it actually was an important and useful intervention to the patient.
I was in a family session with my patient and her significant other. They were going back and forth about the fast approaching delivery of their child. My patient was passionately trying to communicate how well she had been doing in the program (which she really has) and how committed she is to changing; how hard she was working to beat her addiction, take care of her unborn baby, and fight her mental illness. Her partner was adamantly trying to communicate he wanted to be sure she was really committed and would be there for the baby and his concerns about the new financial responsibilities. I watched them do this song and dance for about five minutes or so. Then I said,
“You two have had this discussion before, haven’t you?” They said,
“Yes, many times.” I said,
“I find usually when we get into these discussions, we do it because there is something specific we are trying to get the other person to say to us, somewhere we want the other person to meet us. We will have the same discussion over and over again, getting nowhere, until we hear what we need to.” Then I asked each one of them by their name, “What is it you need to hear from [the other]?”
They paused for a moment, then said the most profound, simple and beautiful things to each other. The heated discussion became a true cathartic moment between the couple. I know they really did all the work, but my therapist heart felt proud having had a part in facilitating that moment as each person finally heard what they so badly needed to hear from the other. The sweet thing was the other person meant it all along, never knowing how healing a simple string of words were to the other.
“I know you can do this. I believe in you. I support you.”
“I will be there for my baby. I am not telling you, I am letting you know that this is the beginning of me showing you.”
