On Talking to the Boss

I hate having to do this. I'm a hard worker, and so in my mind there is always this understanding that I am a good employee, doing good work, and my boss is always thinking, "I'm so glad I hired her." Then one of two things happens:

Scenario one: Boss calls you into office and shuts door. Something embarrassing about dress code, personal phone calls, or emails ensues.

Scenario two: You need to talk to the boss. You need time off, are asking for a raise, discussing a coworker, what have you. Half this battle is getting the nerves to just knock on the office door and bringing the situation on yourself, so to speak.

I have had a job since I was 14. I have been through scenario one as I stumbled through learning all the ridiculous red tape associated with corporate America. Gag. I have been through scenario two when I felt a situation needed to be brought to the boss' attention. The latest was in college when two boys were crossing the line of comfort with some other coworkers.

Here's the thing. I am nice. Usually. But I DEFINATELY want my boss and coworkers (and even friends) to think I'm nice. It's true that I don't enjoy having to create a situation. In fact, I hate it. But I don't know that I can attribute all of that to just being nice. Some of it is self preservation too, I think.

You know what, I am not afraid of confrontation. At all. Bring it on. BUT if you are my boss, please just send me an email.

For Their Own Good.

There is at least one, if not many more romantic or drama genre films, books and stories where one character has to make a sacrifice for another: for the first's benefit and at the second's expense. Let me get more specific. Remember that scene where the friend is convincing the character that they have to tell someone they hate them and to get out of their life to protect them? The logic always being, if you don't make them hate you, they will never fully get over/get out/go away from you; and if they did not get over/get out/ or go away from you some part of their physical, emotional, mental or somesuch health or betterment will be compromised. Ok. Needless to say recently this type of sacrifice has been on my mind.

I feel I am a nice person- (neither here nor there the point is I don't like being mean to people). When I find the situation calls for some less genial exchanges, I worry and obsess about it both before and after. I worry if the other person is ok, if I did what was right and necessary and was it for the best. There is a complicated moment in a relationship when friendships that began before the relationship become threatening to one or the other person in the relationship. Whether it be insecurity or mistrust (hopefully not of the partner but perhaps of the friend/ friendship) this moment always seems to happen. Now you're in a pickle. Do you cancel those threatening friendships to appease the relationship? Surely not- you shouldn't have to compromise such important parts of yourself and your life. It does get you thinking, though.

You know those quasi relationships? The friends who always are "better" friends, the ones you had/have an attraction to? The friendships that always possibly could potentially be more? What is to be done with these when you are in a new relationship and question if the "friend" is perhaps still hopeful of a different kind of relationship?

I solved this one by being mean. I thought it would be easier to dislike me. I hope I was right.