The Internship Double Standard

After a confusing meeting with my internship supervisor today, I was sitting alone in my office trying to understand why I felt so angry and defeated by such a stupid meeting.

This morning my supervisor visited the main office location for the agency, to meet with her supervisor. She came back from the meeting later this afternoon and said we needed to "talk about some things." My stomach dropped to my feet. I had spent ALL MORNING reading the mountains of books, magazines, and articles my supervisor gives me every time we meet, diligently taking notes and wracking my brain for ways to apply what I was learning, and be a better counselor at the agency. What could I have possibly done wrong, out of everything I was trying to do right?

The substance of the meeting was that I had entered a "do not schedule" hour on my calendar for tomorrow. I did this early this morning upon seeing my calendar with five back-to-back clients, three of which were brand new intakes, thinking I would need the time to digest, conceptualize and do paperwork. I thought it was the responsible thing to do to not take on more than I could handle and give myself enough time to plan and organize my learning around each new case. Apparently, I was wrong. The meeting turned into disdain for "laziness" at putting that block in my calendar. Why would I do that? I already have one hour for dinner and paperwork that day. Why can't I have back-to-back clients, six of them, the rest of the day?

The reason why is because I am an intern. First and foremost, I am NOT PAID. Second, I am not yet a professional. I am expected by my graduate program to see four clients per week, and at internship, am being finger-pointed for not doing six clients per day.

First I was angry. I work so hard to do everything perfect, and I messed up because I held an hour of my schedule free on the computer this morning? I get a boss lecture because of that? Second, I was defeated. There is no way I can EVER be good enough for this agency. EVERYTHING I do is on trial. It's like they are looking for things to criticize me on, and there's just no defeating that. Third, I was angry. I am being held to a professional standard, being given s**t even for trying to meet this ridiculous standard, all the while being micromanaged like the most incapable intern. This is infuriating! If I am going to be held to professional expectations, which, given my positions as an INTERN is inappropriate (as well as probably unethical for the clients) at least give me some respect to think for myself and be a professional. Let me put the damn spot in my calendar. You can't demand professional while talking down your nose at me because of a block on my calendar.

They just want to have their cake, and to eat it too. They want the free labor (as much of it as they would get from a paid person) while still being able to condescend and micromanage, giving me no credit or trust that I am capable of making really any good decisions on my own in the agency.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!