Thoughts on love...

Love is one of those amorphous philosophical concepts that is hard to describe, understand conceptualize, talk or think about. In some of my reading for an online class, I came across a chapter in the textbook about many models and ways to think about love. A few of them caught my eye and interest:

The Greek Model.

In Greek, there are six different types of love…

Eros- passion, commitment, and physical attraction (“we were meant for each other!”)
Ludus- less commited style; love is a game to be played with numerous partners (“I love to love.”)
Mania- obsessiveness, possessiveness, jealousy.
Pragma- practical loving; partners chosen according to carefully established set of criteria.
Agape- needs of the lover put before one’s own needs
Storge- love based on strong and enduring friendship

I have to admit, I’m a hopeless, helpless romantic. I love to be in love (not in a ludus way). I think I’m a helpless Eros. I would be better off if I would let reason and previously established criteria pick my partners, but this rarely is the case with me. I don’t know. Many of these seem to apply in almost a hierarchy of love-needs. Eros first, because first and foremost I am a passionate, committed lover. Agape style comes with that for me- I will always sacrifice myself for those I love. Storge applies third because my lover usually becomes my best friend. Pragma only in the sense that I have cut-off or rule-outs. Interesting if not particularly insightful.

The Chemistry of Love Model.

Medical science suggests a model called the chemistry of love…

In this model there are four basic principles organized step-wise which explain the process of falling and being in love. First, genetics, psychological experiences, and evolution imprint us with a basic set of attraction criteria. This first step is called imprinting. Second, phenylethylamine, dopamine and norepinephrine, natural amphetimines in the brain, produce feelings of euphoria and elation. This step is called attraction, and can last two to three years before it starts to wane. Third, endorphins flow into the brain leaving the lovers with a sense of security, peace and calm. This stage, attachment, represents the state of being in love. Fourth, the infamous brain chemical of love and sex, oxytocin, is released by the brain’s pituitary gland which produces more relaxed feelings, and a sense of satisfaction and attachment. Oxytocin is also called the “cuddle chemical” for these reasons.

Many if not all of us have spent a significant portion of our lives asking “why this” and “why that” about love. At least these models help me bring some sense to the crazy world of love- maybe they will help you, too! Next time you are falling in love, you can either id your “love type” or track the brain chemicals at fault. Not so easy to explain falling out of love, though chemically losing all those endorphins and adrenaline is painful. Ask any drug user all about it? (Another interesting model is the addictions model of love extrapolating the withdrawal concept to rebounding etc. A bit of a stretch to me, but interesting, nonetheless).

Some say love is dying out from dating and intimacy; romanticism is becoming an increasingly rare point of view. I tend to agree. Some of the wonderful mystique of love and intimacy between couples these days is ruined and replaced by conflicting and/or negative ideas about gender differences, sexual thrills and emphasis on instant and self-gratification (i.e “me” over “we”). Ever watch a historical movie and wish for that romance again? I was watching Casanova today, and I wished for that time again (some parts of it). Even though Casanova was rakish or what have you, I could’ve enjoyed that kind of courtship. What am I saying. I have my very own, modern-day, Don Juan (minus the conquests? you get the idea!)