Prego Therapy

I had every intention today of going to a cute cafe on the medical campus after work, or even a Borders or Panera closer to home, to sit down, read paperwork, sign up for benefits, and write a thoughtful blog. At the end of the day today I was so exhausted (as immersion into brand new experiences will tend to do to you) that I just went home. And ate sushi with some friends.

By the way, 895 really is the way to go to miss traffic.

After my first two days of training at Hopkins HR department, with my badge and my title and my benefits, I felt so accomplished, big-headed and proud. I am a Johns Hopkins therapist. I am only 25 years old. I was the youngest in my class of professionals in my training. I must have done some things right. I must be good at what I do. Some of that may have been deserved. Some of it was benign and naive happiness. All of it was naive.

Today was my first day on my unit. At the end of the day I felt inadequate, underexperienced, unprepared, adolescent (in my field/ability), and overwhelmed. My new unit is medical unit extended from the main hospital. Complete with doctors, psychiatrists, clinics, labs and an inpatient wing, one of the other wings is labeled "mental health" and is where the therapist offices are. Where my office is. All of the sections of the floors, as in many hospitals, are accessible only by keys and keycards, which we carry with our badges around our necks at all times.

I don't know what the point of this blog entry is about other than to give you a taste of my new work environment and my accompanying fears and uneasiness. The pride and excitement have taken a temporary backseat. I am worried now that I am in this position with so much trust, so much responsiblity, so much influence, if I am too young, too inexperienced and naive to do it well. There is such an overwhelming amount of things to learn and know. There is such an overwhelming amount of things to do and challenges to overcome. I am just realizing the size of the task and high demands of the career I worked so hard to get. I now have to prove to myself that this is where I belong and that I can measure up!