She is not a west coast girl. Her hair is not bleached and stacked, her nails aren't done, her face isn't made up and her bag is not Louis Vuitton ( I even had to look up how to spell that). She's probably wearing a ten dollar dress with cheaper shoes, but they all match her eyes. The hair might have been brushed this morning but driving down the beltway for twenty minutes with the windows down pulled it every which way and it looks tousled, a lone bobby pin struggling to hold it away from her face. She is fervently bent forward over a laptop she got on special (which has since been recalled) sipping on a lemonade (the price for using the free internet at Panera). Every now and then she looks up, looks around, passes through some unreadable expressions, then goes back to her work. These are the tell tale signs of an overworked, underpaid, struggling graduate student in psychology. She is struggling mind body and finance, but she is happy.
Though I am guilty of such a display, I maintain that I am not the intellectual-student-young-person stereotype you find doing such things. Or maybe I am, and I just hate stereotypes. Anyway, the stereotype and associated labels are not why I am at Panera. I go for the free internet, because it is closer to my classes than my tiny apartment, and most importantly, to people watch. I may not be a professional counselor yet, but I am a very accomplished people watcher.
If you are quiet enough, and let youself blend into the bustle of a busy coffee house or small lunch place, people stop noticing you and you can notice them all you want. Psychology is based on a presupposition of normal behavior, which is interesting, because my people watching skills tell me there is no such thing as a normal person- just crazy people who behave "normally." Give that one some thought. That means I am outright finger pointing at everyone as crazy and posers, but don't worry: if everyone is a crazy and a poser, there are no such labels anyway. They only exist in my own mental filing system.
Psychology has shifted in many theoretical approaches from normal behavior to adaptive behavior. I like the latter defenition better. Adaptive behavior doesn't imply homogeneity, and people are definately not that. Domestic violence- the spider and the fly (a good read, so I'm told, I'll let you know). Interpersonal relationships may be the worst way to understand someone, and at the same time the best way we know how. Instead of relating to norms which may not be real anyway, it is more useful to relate a person to our own frame of reference. At least we know the most about ourselves (how Cartesian, sigh.)
Seriously though we already do it. Someone stands us up, we are pissed or not based on our own frame of reference. What happens when our own frame of reference becomes confused or faulty and we justify things we may not otherwise? First we realize it, which, given the stipulations may be impossible. If we (amazingly) can do that, we seek out help from others (counselors?) and hope that their frame of reference can help us understand where we need to be, without letting that person tell us what to do or adapting their philosophy. Sound impossible? Don't worry counselors. That is what theory is for. Someone elses' over-thought, under-researched paradigm is a way to be objective yet functional. Seems to have worked so far, but are we copping out relying on someone else to explain the world to us instead of learning for ourselves? Does all that trust and dependence only require flimsy credentials and we accept them (i.e. a Ph.D?)
To bring the conversation full circle, here I am, sitting at Panera, wasting time writing my blog, people watching. People watching to the point that I have a whole stupid blog to write about it. What are other people thinking about me? I'm a poser, I'm a slacker, I don't work hard or have a full time job? I might think that about me if I was people watching someone else, but how far off would I be? I have two jobs, I am taking classes full time, and have a puppy and a boyfriend taking up all my free time. I started this blog with a point, and ended it by self example contradicting everything I just said. Main point: use yourself as a frame of reference, but not when you are contemplating yourself. I wonder if that will work.
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